|synonyms:||forbearance, tolerance, restraint, self-restraint, resignation, stoicism, fortitude, sufferance, endurance; More|
That’s the definition of patience according to Google. I’ve always known that I’m not a patient person. I hypothesize there are very few Type A, ESTJ’s, with Generalized Anxiety Disorder that are also patient people. It’s not how we’re naturally wired.
I’m used to doing what I want when I want. That sounds selfish, but it’s really not. It’s just basic. Some examples: I’m used to cleaning when I see the need. I’m used to going to the store to grab something if I need it for a recipe. I’m used to driving myself. I’m used to leaving my house without my new version of trains, planes, and automobiles (i.e. office chair, crutches, wheelchair). Now, in this post break life, I have to ask Chris or someone else to do these things. It’s so frustrating. The first week was definitely the hardest because I was still trying to be the general and maintain control.
Post break, I’m accepting that the floors are not as clean as I would like, the cat pans are stinky (my cat pans are rarely ever stinky), our room looks like a tornado hit it, and I haven’t properly fixed my hair in 9 days. I catch myself getting really angry and I realize that “this”, whatever it is, has no real impact on the future, and isn’t worth getting upset over. This broken leg has been a crushing reality check for me. You read all of these quotes. People tell you not to worry because you can’t control everything. You see them, and you hear them, but you don’t live them until something drastic happens.
I’m not saying I’ve miraculously turned into this altruistic patient person because of my accident. Definitely not. But, I am absolutely more capable of letting “it” go in the moment. I’m more capable of identifying what’s a 5 minute problem and what’s a 5 year problem. And, I’m kinder. To myself and my circle. I’m grateful things aren’t worse and I’m grateful for all the help and care I’ve received. It’s too bad that it literally took an act of God to get me to slow down a bit. I hope it doesn’t take something as drastic for you to make a change in your life.